Waiting

Waiting is not something that I do very well. My mom always tells me, "Vanessa, patience is a virtue." Well I must not have very many virtues if I have to wait to receive them. I had to wait exactly two weeks from the day that I got hurt to have surgery. At the time, it was the longest two weeks of my life. I was not able to do anything that I used to do. Normally, I am one of the most active people around and I rarely am sitting still. Now all I am supposed to do is sit on my butt with my foot in a bucket of ice.

Being on crutches and in a boot before surgery allowed me to do some stuff that made life easier. I got hurt right before the Fourth of July. Typically my team plays in the Ringneck tournament in South Dakota this weekend. Knowing what was to come, mentally I could not go and watch all of those games at this time. My emotions were still too raw, I would get worked up anytime I thought about how much softball I was going to have to miss. Instead my parents decided to take us to Duluth where all of my family lives. We did tons of fun things that took my mind away from what had happened. One of the days we went to Gooseberry Falls, I do not recommend the 1.5 mile hike on crutches. Luckily I have an amazing Dad who carried me some of the way. After all of that hiking we were SUPER hungry so we went to the best place on the North Shore, Betty's Pies. In the past we had always talked about doing the eating challenge that they have. It is called the Pig's Trough, 3 pieces of pie, 5 scoops of ice cream, a banana, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce. My dad, brother, my sister and I all decided to take it on while my mom and grandparents stared at us with wide eyes. We had 20 minutes to eat all of that dessert. If you know me well you know that I can eat a lot of food. Needless to say my dad and I were the only ones that finished, Vance and Dreez did not have a chance. That night we watched fireworks over the oar docks in Two Harbors. It was a great trip and a great reminder of all of the people that I had supporting me as I went into surgery.

The days before I went in seemed to drag by. I had nothing to do besides for lay outside on the picnic table and tan or watch my brother swim at the pool. I was not supposed to do any strenuous activity or leave the house that much. Boredom during the days stunk but nothing was worse than the nights. After I got hurt there were few times I slept all the way through the night. I was constantly reliving the collision, but there was always a different twist at the end. All of them had me waking up in a cold sweat. The worst had to be the dream that occurred the most, the doctors telling me I would never play sports again. Without distractions of the people around you, your mind is free to roam wherever it wants. Alone, it was very hard to deal with all of the negative thoughts. There was nothing to convince yourself that these dreams weren't real. The more you thought about it the more helpless you felt. The night before surgery I barely slept like usual, I was so nervous for the next day. I knew that this was the path I had to take to get better but that didn't mean I was any less scared.

Crutching into Mayo on Friday morning everything finally felt real. Up until this point there was still a part of me that did not believe that all of this was happening to me. I was going to be fine and playing next week, not next year. As the doctors circled around me, attaching monitors, injecting medication, and setting up my IV I closed my eyes and thought of why I was going through all of this, to do what I love again. It is all going to be worth it when I am able to play again. After hugging my mom and telling her I loved her my wait was finally up.