Waiting

Waiting is not something that I do very well. My mom always tells me, "Vanessa, patience is a virtue." Well I must not have very many virtues if I have to wait to receive them. I had to wait exactly two weeks from the day that I got hurt to have surgery. At the time, it was the longest two weeks of my life. I was not able to do anything that I used to do. Normally, I am one of the most active people around and I rarely am sitting still. Now all I am supposed to do is sit on my butt with my foot in a bucket of ice.

Being on crutches and in a boot before surgery allowed me to do some stuff that made life easier. I got hurt right before the Fourth of July. Typically my team plays in the Ringneck tournament in South Dakota this weekend. Knowing what was to come, mentally I could not go and watch all of those games at this time. My emotions were still too raw, I would get worked up anytime I thought about how much softball I was going to have to miss. Instead my parents decided to take us to Duluth where all of my family lives. We did tons of fun things that took my mind away from what had happened. One of the days we went to Gooseberry Falls, I do not recommend the 1.5 mile hike on crutches. Luckily I have an amazing Dad who carried me some of the way. After all of that hiking we were SUPER hungry so we went to the best place on the North Shore, Betty's Pies. In the past we had always talked about doing the eating challenge that they have. It is called the Pig's Trough, 3 pieces of pie, 5 scoops of ice cream, a banana, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce. My dad, brother, my sister and I all decided to take it on while my mom and grandparents stared at us with wide eyes. We had 20 minutes to eat all of that dessert. If you know me well you know that I can eat a lot of food. Needless to say my dad and I were the only ones that finished, Vance and Dreez did not have a chance. That night we watched fireworks over the oar docks in Two Harbors. It was a great trip and a great reminder of all of the people that I had supporting me as I went into surgery.

The days before I went in seemed to drag by. I had nothing to do besides for lay outside on the picnic table and tan or watch my brother swim at the pool. I was not supposed to do any strenuous activity or leave the house that much. Boredom during the days stunk but nothing was worse than the nights. After I got hurt there were few times I slept all the way through the night. I was constantly reliving the collision, but there was always a different twist at the end. All of them had me waking up in a cold sweat. The worst had to be the dream that occurred the most, the doctors telling me I would never play sports again. Without distractions of the people around you, your mind is free to roam wherever it wants. Alone, it was very hard to deal with all of the negative thoughts. There was nothing to convince yourself that these dreams weren't real. The more you thought about it the more helpless you felt. The night before surgery I barely slept like usual, I was so nervous for the next day. I knew that this was the path I had to take to get better but that didn't mean I was any less scared.

Crutching into Mayo on Friday morning everything finally felt real. Up until this point there was still a part of me that did not believe that all of this was happening to me. I was going to be fine and playing next week, not next year. As the doctors circled around me, attaching monitors, injecting medication, and setting up my IV I closed my eyes and thought of why I was going through all of this, to do what I love again. It is all going to be worth it when I am able to play again. After hugging my mom and telling her I loved her my wait was finally up.

Post Surgery

The thing I remember most about coming out of surgery was being SO HUNGRY! You have to fast starting the night before surgery and when I woke up it was about 3 p.m. I had not eaten in over 15 hours! In order to leave I had to eat two granola bars and a bowl of soup which I did no problem. As we are going to the car I asked my mom to stop at Chipotle, I still was starving! Once we were home I mowed through the burrito and took a three hour nap on the couch. I slept the most in my life the three to four days after surgery as my body was trying to heal. I now had three screws and a plate in my left foot to try and fix all of the damage that I had done.

I was not really used to a sedentary lifestyle.  During the summer it is VERY unusual that I watch TV at all much less during the day. After surgery I was put on house arrest for 10 days. I dont think I have ever watched that many movies or tanned for that long. I never knew how much I took for granted just being able to leave home for a little bit! Luckily I have amazing friends that came to visit and spend time with me so it wasnt so bad. At about day 5 my dad snuck me out of the house and took me to dinner because he knew I was going crazy. That weekend I talked him into letting me go to watch the Danes play. I still had many conflicting feelings but it was great to see my teammates and wish them luck before heading to nationals. It killed me not to be traveling with them but it would be even worse being there and having to sit out after making my parents drive thousands of miles.  It would not be fair to ask that of them.

After the 10 days I went in to get my soft cast cut off and a hard cast put on. I wore that for 4 weeks during the summer. Yes, THE SUMMER! So that meant no swimming, nothing like that. Without inventing new ways to do the things I love I would have gone crazy. I found a way to go swimming in the kiddie pool so I could be in the water a little bit.

Getting my cast off was one of the best feelings in the world. When I looked down at my foot it did not look human. I am a huge fan if The Walking Dead and my brother and I agreed it looked like a zombie foot. After getting the cast cut off I had to take x-rays. Simply standing on that foot felt foreign. It was as if I had forgotten how the stand normally on two feet. It felt like I had a bunch of tiny rocks in the bottoms of my feet. It was the craziest feeling and is so hard to explain, but it was from all of the blood pooling and the lack of use. I was so happy to finally be getting out of the cast but I felt far from normal. I would spend the next 4 weeks on crutches and in a boot. After that I slowly began to ween off the crutches and into a boot and finally a shoe! It was about a 9 week process to get there. In the beginning I walked with a nice limp because I was so used to the different height of the boot. I got plenty of crap from my friends and family about it but I was just so happy to be walking on my own. Just over 3 months after I got hurt I was finally walking on my own. Most of the waiting was finally over and now I could focus on working to get better.

Results

On Monday after the tournament my Dad wanted to go into the doctor just to make sure nothing serious had happened. My foot was starting to feel better and I was walking on it in small amounts around the house so I was not worried at all. I went in to get x-rays and then have a meeting with a sports medicine doctor at Mayo. The doctor tested my foot and determined that she thought it was just a sprain, they did not have to take x-rays, and I would start doing physical therapy. I told her that we had actually already taken x-rays so she pulled them up on the screen. Her eyes got big and then she turned to look at me. I had several broken bones and needed to come back for an MRI. This was crushing news because it meant that summer softball for me was most likely over.

Later in the week I had my MRI. If you have never had an MRI it is a very unique experience. You are in a tight, confined space and have to stay very still. It is super loud so they either give you earplugs or headphones to block out the noise. None of these things bother me and I have fallen asleep every time that I have had to have one. The longest part of this process was waiting for the doctor to call me back about the results. When we got the call I was sitting in the kitchen with my mom. I can remember watching the blood drain from her face as she frantically wrote things down on the notepad in front of her. It was much worse than anyone had expected. On the top of my foot I had a severe Liz Franc ligament tear. Evidence on the MRI showed that my navicular bone was dented and I had shattered off pieces of other smaller bones. She was referring me to a surgeon to determine whether or I not I needed to have it fixed. 

Waiting to meet with the surgeon was one of the most nerve racking days of my life. Before this I had never broken a bone, much less had to have major reconstructive surgery. Sitting on the hospital bed I was faced with two options. The first, I simply wait for it to heal on its own. There is a major risk that it will not heal properly and that I will have to have surgery anyways. The second option crushed me, it was to have surgery and go through a 6-12 month recovery process. The decision was up to me but the doctors we recommending heavily that I have the surgery. They gave my family two days to go home and think about it. I was able to keep it together until I got in the car and looked at my mom. Tears started streaming down my face and I could not make them stop. I had so many emotions flowing and did not know how to take in this information. I was completely silent the whole ride and when we finally got home I went straight to my room. Hundreds of things were swirling around inside my head and I felt like the world was crashing down on me. I just did not understand. Why did I get hurt? Why does it have to happen now, in the middle of my summer? What is going to happen to me? What if I can never play again? I laid on my bed thinking about all of these things and came to the final conclusion, so what? Yes I have to have surgery. Yes I am going to lose the rest of my summer, fall, and most likely basketball season. Does that make me happy? No, but is this going to stop me from achieving my dreams? I am going to work as hard as possible during PT to come back and when I do I will be an even better player than before. 

I knew that I had to have the surgery. I could not risk waiting six months and then still having to under go surgery anyways. I did not accept the fact that all of this was real until I was crutching into Mayo on July 11th, the day I had to have three screws and a plate put into my foot. 

Getting Hurt

On June 28th my whole entire world was flipped upside down. This day changed life as I knew it and sent me into the world of the unknown. Friday started out just like any other summer day. I had lifting in the morning with a bunch of my friends and teammates. After that I went to lunch with one of my friends and hung out before having to head the fields. I was so excited because this weekend the tournament was in Rochester. Many of my friends and family were going to come and watch me play because we rarely get the chance to play this close to home during the summer.

The Danes typically do not start until after Father's Day weekend so I had the opportunity to play with the Royals in a few early season tournaments.  Several of my former teammates still played for them so I wanted to watch them play this weekend if I got the chance. I headed over to McQuillan Fields because the Royals were playing before I had to warm-up. Even though I was not playing with them I still went in the dugout to hang out with the kids on the bench. I love bantering back and forth with the girls I have played with forever. Soon I had to go to a different field to start warming up for our game. I was feeling amazing during warm-ups. The past couple weeks I had been seeing the ball very well. In the previous tournament in the Quad Cities I hit five homeruns in five games. On the season I was averaging one homerun per every three at-bats. You could say that I was on a hot streak that I really wanted to continue.

The rest of pre-game was the same. We ran through all of the same drills and were ready to play. People from this area have always questioned why I chose to play for the Danes instead of a large program like the Sting. Playing this close to home I wanted to show them how good we were and why I love playing for the Danes. Finally getting this chance I was so excited to get out on the field. I was the lead-off hitter in the top of the first. I was walked on five pitches so I jogged down to my spot at first. On the fourth pitch of Abby Klopp's at-bat I was given the steal sign. When I slide, I slide hard, especially if there is someone blocking the bag. When I saw the shortstop coming across the front side of the bag I slid into her hard just like I had done so many times before. There was a big collision and she went flying backwards. I popped up to see where the ball went because I saw it sail over my head as I slid in. The throw had not even been close and the ball ended up in short right center field. Then I look down and see the shortstop still laying on the ground. The umpires call time for the game and the tournament trainer comes out to help her off the field. During this I jog over to my coach and notice that my foot does not feel right. When I made contact with the other girl the ball of my foot was jammed backwards towards my shin. It was pretty much numb and tingling but didn't hurt excessively. Based on my pain I thought that I had just sprained an

ankle like I had so many times in basketball so I tried to just jog it off. I returned to second and on the next pitch Abby hit a double to left center. Sprinting home my foot did not feel right so when I went into the dugout I asked for it to be taped. After being taped I tried to go out and play defense but it hurt a lot to plant on it after throwing. My coach decided to just sit me for the rest of the game, it was only Friday night and the most important day is Sunday. Once I took my shoe off to ice my foot inflated like a balloon. My teammate helped me out of the dugout and onto one of the picnic tables so that the trainer could look at my foot. Based on my pain they said that it was only a bad sprain, I may want to go in just in case to get it looked at but they did not think anything was seriously wrong.

I woke up the next morning and in between my toes was black and blue. On the inside arch of my foot there was a dark red line with bruising. It still killed to walk on so I borrowed a pair of crutches from my grandpa. After not being able to walk in the morning I decided to sit out the rest of the tournament. At the time it was frustrating but playing in the end of the season and nationals was much more important to me than just one normal tournament. Sitting out the rest of the weekend was torture. I don't like having to sit out for an inning or two to begin with, much less eight games because I am hurt. We made it to the Championship game after playing six games on Sunday. I was so proud of my team but I still wished that I could have been out on the field with them. Next weekend I told myself. I will be back and everything will be normal. Little did I know this is not how things were going to end up.

Battle Between Teammates

Imagine stepping into the box versus a pitcher that knows everyone of your strengths and your weaknesses. Intimidating right? I experience this every time my Byron High School team plays Stewartville. Cait has been my teammate for over 5 years now and is one of my closest friends, but, she is also one of my competitors. Being teammates during the summer presents us with a very interesting situation when it comes time to play each other in the spring. At-bats are like a chess match, their are many conflicting emotions you must control, and the competion is higher than ever.

No one that I know wants to step into a box and face a pitcher that knows a ton about them. Facing Cait is different than any other pitcher because of how familiar we are with each other. Not only are we long time friends but we were also hitting partners! This means that during warm-ups and during games you are constantly analyzing your partners swing to try and help them to get better. This is where the chess match begins. As I step in, Cait knows where I struggle just as well as I do. This changes your mental preparation coming into the at-bat. I know that she is going to pitch me a certain way or try to get me to chase a certain pitch. Knowing these things, I form the mindset that I will adjust my approach to hit take advantage of what she is likely to try to do. After the first at-bat you asses your strategy and the strategy she used. Through the next two at-bats you go back and forth each making small adjustments to beat the other. In the next half of the inning the roles reverse. Now I am the pitcher and Cait the batter. I only pitch during the high school season as I am an infielder during the summer. But, I still do the best I can to help my team win by pitching. Pitching to someone you know is completely different because you understand their abilities, and if you miss in a certain spot, you know they will make you pay for it. The only true way to win this game of chess is to get the other person out or to get a hit. 

Playing against your own teammates sparks so many different emotions. First there is excitement. You are excited to see them because it has been a long time. Next is anticipation. I get antsy on any game day, but especially restless when playing Stewie because of how close our games have been in the past. Last is the feeling of determination when the game finally starts. You are preparing to do everything in your power to win and have the mindset you will not fail. During the game you have to control your emotions on either side of the board whether you are having success or not. It can be a great struggle to do when you put everything you have into the game. But that is all part of the mental side of the game. 

The most evident difference when playing against a teammate is the level of the competion. You always want to win when playing, but the desire is even greater when it is against one of your own. This level brings out the best on both sides and often leads to great plays. If your teammate gets a hit or makes a play, you automatically want to do something to top them. Not only does it earn you a bit of bragging rights come summer but also it fuels your self confidence. 

A lot of different feelings and emotions come into play when you go up against your own teammate, but personally I love it. During H.S. I constantly am playing people that I know, so I am very familiar with these feelings. Even though the game is like a chess match, it brings out a lot of emotion, and provides high competition, they are my favorite games of the year.  

NDSU vs. SDSU

Most people spend their Saturday mornings sleeping in, watching t.v., and just relaxing. I couldn't tell you the last time I did that! So getting up at 6 to hit the road and watch some softball this weekend was nothing out of the ordinary. Our destination was Brookings, SD, to watch NDSU vs SDSU.

A quick gane recap: The game was tied at zero until NDSU opened it up with 8 runs in the 3rd inning. From there on it was very one sided. The final score was 12-0, with Krista Meinke throwing a 1-hitter for the Bison. It was a perfect game until the bottom of the fifth with one out and a lefty blooped a hit into short RF. It was awesome to watch NDSU string a bunch of hits together just like their last comeback win in Illinois that I saw.

I love watching college softball because there is so many things that you can learn. Each game I watch I try to pick out about  three different skills or plays that have good teaching points and talk about them with my dad or coaches. The three things that I picked up from this game was warming up through the 3rd baseman, hitting in different pitch counts,  and sliding into home. 

The first thing was doing most of infield warmups through the third baseman.  Using this technique everyone gets a ball coming from the home plate angle and the 1st baseman still fields their throws.  Instead of rolling to the ball to them,  the 1st baseman throws the ball to 3rd and she begins the next play. It also provides the right angles to work double plays. Each session of warm ups starts with the 3rd baseman rolling it to the pitcher once and then moving onto the other infielders. Every other inning they differed the situation (just going to first, turning two, or bunts). Then it is ended with the third baseman getting her two balls. I think that this type of pre inning infield provides a better game simulation for fielding balls and is more time efficient. It is definitely something that I would love our infield coaches to look into and hopefully transition to it for the summer.

The next thing I noticed was how much the count effects your at-bat. At the college level you will only see one maybe two good pitches per at-bat. Once they get ahead of you, don't expect a pitch that you can drive. That is why I feel it is SUPER important to be aggressive and be the one in control of the at-bat. In my last blog I compared an at-bat to a chess match, it is all about your strategy to beat the opposition. If you want to win you do not sit back and react, you are the one making the moves and being aggressive.  For me, this translates directly to hitting. Almost every hitter's batting average increases when they are ahead in the count. So it is simple, don't get behind in the count. Recognize the first good pitch and do something with it!

The last thing I noticed that whenever there was a close play at home the on-deck hitter for the Bison only used hand signals to instruct their teammate. Now I am not sure whether it was just because I could not hear them talking but it sparked an idea. When you do talk you help your runner but you also tell the catcher where she is going to be sliding. If you only use your hands and no voice the catcher does not necessarily know where you are going to slide. I am still unsure about this idea but it is definitely something to further discuss.

I had a blast at the game watching my Bison play and learned a few things which will be beneficial. The long drive was definitely worth getting to watch a ball game on a beautiful Saturday. 

High School Softball 2014 Preview

The start of the 2014 season marks the beginning of my fourth year playing for Byron. The start of a season always brings great anticipation and excitement over what is to come and what is possible to achieve in the upcoming games. It is a new year, a fresh start. Besides for the new start there is a certain sense of pride that you feel when you are able to put on a jersey and represent your school.

This years team is completely new besides for me and our center fielder Takota Tierney. So there is lots of opportunity to grow and improve every day. Practice starts indoors for the first few weeks because of all the snow. It is awesome that even though we have all the snow we have access to scrimmage indoors at the RCTC bubble. We also ended up playing our first two games of the season in there as well. This year we did not have an outdoor practice before our first outdoor game that was this past week. Our first scrimmages and games have been kind of rough but the exciting part is that we improve drastically every time. You can see things starting to click and the kids beginning to understand things they previously had not. If we keep improving at our current rate we could be very competitive come playoffs this year. 

Last year I set a very high standard for myself to reach again this year. To reach above and beyond that standard I put in more work this off season than ever before and am still working hard to get better. I have very high expectations for myself and even though this year has started off slow I know things will come. This year will be the biggest mental test for me so far because of all the different pressures from outsiders and myself. With all of my prior preparation I feel confident that things will come together and I will be able to compete at my usual level. 

Overall I am very excited for this season as so many things are different from the past. The team is completely new and their are so many opportunities to come. No matter how things ends up, I definitely am going to enjoy this season. :)